Mindfulness: Struggling with Mind Noise

My Humanity -  On The Beach on Beautiful Kapalua Bay, Maui, Hawaii

    Many people feel unaware of any guidance, unable to discern or understand the signals of God; not because the signals are not given, but because the mind is too troubled, clouded, and hurried to receive them."

- Evelyn Underhill

     Evelyn Underhill (1875 - 1941), was a pioneer spiritual woman of her day.  A well-known British author, theologian, and teacher, her life-long spiritual journey is
documented in her prolific writing.  (See The Evelyn Underhill Association website for further information on this interesting woman.)

     Her words above speak to me across the hundred years between us. She has succinctly described our human condition, the continuing struggle to cope with our jabbering minds which often do not seem to have our best interests "in mind", pun intended.

    Early on my spiritual path and to this very day, my troubled, clouded, hurried mind has been the source of great frustration, often leading me on the downward spiral into negativity.  Paraphrasing Evelyn's words, it is almost impossible some days to meditate and connect with my Higher Self. 

     Initially, I believed that having a wild, uncooperative mind was a problem unique to me.  My only hope of success was guided meditation.  As long as I could focus on another person's voice, I had some chance of success.

     Coping with my daughter's death and the loss my grandchildren from my life layered grief on top of the usual mind noise.  I often melted down in tears when I tried to meditate and had to stop.

     I "was led" to Brian L. Weiss, MD, and his wonderful books Many Lives, Many Masters(1988) and Same Soul, Many Bodies (2005), thereafter, graduating to his guided meditation CDs.  His calm, soothing voice was my anchor for many months. 

     Continuing to explore, I applied, as best I could, the work of Eckhart Tolle - The Power of Now (2004) and Jon Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go, There You Are (2005) and Mindfulness for Beginners (2006).  

     Mindfulness, living here only in the moment, is critical for meditation and a big challenge for me.  I review the years in my memory and find that so much detail is missing.  I was always worrying about what I had to do next or I was reliving that which was over and gone.  Sadly, I have lost  memories of my childhood and childhood of my children, the precious hours I had with them, gone in an instant.  I suspect that I am not alone in this particular regret.

     I have spent many hours at night with Ajahn Brahm, Buddhist Monk (Theravada Thai Tradition) and Spiritual Director of the Buddhist Society of Western Australia.  His strong, peaceful voice came through my ear phones from Perth as he delivered his loving but pragmatic Friday night Dhamma Talks, always with a keen sense of humor. He is British by birth, a physicist, and has a fascinating life story. 

     His advice on meditation was extremely helpful, given that he is an expert!  I am not Buddhist, but his messages kept me sane and soothed me to sleep many a night.  The hundred plus Dhamma Talks by Ajahn Brahm on YouTube (simply Search Ajahn Brahm) are heard by thousands of Buddhists and non-Buddhists all over the world.

     Continuously led to the next level, I moved onward to the study of consciousness and the esoteric subjects associated with that topic.  Both the International Society for the Study of Subtle Energies And Energy Medicine and the Institute of Noetic Science (IONS), the latter founded by former astronaut Edgar Mitchell, have been conducting research on consciousness for many years.  A researcher and scholar all my life, my Scorpio left brain kept trying to understand why my right brain was so unmanageable. 

    What pulled everything together for me was  "Part I: Awakening Consciousness" in The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer who is affiliated with IONS.   In the first 50 pages, Singer describes exquisitely the non-stopping voice in our heads, the one that can take both sides of a relatively unimportant  argument, rambling on ad nauseum in meaningless drivel, distracting us and driving us crazy.   

     Suddenly, I truly realized that what I have been experiencing is the same for us all, a part of our human condition.  The remaining 150 pages of this little literary gem provides guidance on how to manage and live with The Voice.

     So after months on my journey, do I meditate with skill and do I have The Voice controlled to my satisfaction?  No, not hardly!  But I have learned a few things that make life a bit easier.

     1.  I have lowered my expectations. I no longer chastise myself when my meditation is interrupted by my wandering mind.  If my concentration is so poor that I can make no progress, I stop and try again later.

     2.  I am satisfied with chair meditation.  My elderly bones will not fold into a pretzel position and I think my Soul probably forgives me for that deviation.

     3.  I am no longer discontent when I do not feel happy all the time.  Happiness comes and goes.  I remind myself frequently to savor the tiny joyful minutes of life.  That may be the lesson in itself.  My grandson's laughter, the smell of the Earth in the garden, the beaming sun in the morning, and the beautiful sunset at night are treasures of the Now, not to be missed.

     4.  I have developed a faith that things will work out as they should if I keep chugging along, feeling with my heart more than thinking with my head.  I may not like the outcome, but that is the time to look for the lesson in what has happened.  Sometimes we can only find the lessons many years later with the advantage of distance.

     5.  I have learned what meditation techniques work for me.  Meditation is an ancient subject on which thousands upon thousands of books have been written.  I discovered that my need to study everything thoroughly, run amok, could drive me insane.  So I took a deep breath and focused on what seemed to work for my right brain.

     Sometimes I tune into my breath or the end of my nose.  Other times I relax  and then just listen intensely to the silence and whatever inner voice may come through.  Often I just stand outside myself, so to speak, and am the watcher of my mind, watching where my thoughts go without judgement.  After awhile, my mind "gets tired" and I am rewarded with wonderful silence and peace.

      6.  And lastly, I accept that I am on a journey that will not be finished soon, perhaps not in this particular Earthly existence.  When the tragedy and trauma we too frequently experience in this 3rd Dimension overwhelms me,  I keep the anxiety and fear at bay by remembering that I am a student for this lifetime in this Earthly classroom, working on the lessons I planned before I was born.  We are all connected in God's holographic universe with each other and with Him.  As Dr. Brian Weiss wrote, "Only Love Is Real".  That is the most important lesson in the end, the one we will come back time and time again to work on until we get it right.

     I hope some of the sources above are useful to you.  I would love to hear about your experiences and what things work for you.

Always Love and Light.